Am I obligated to invite my ex-son-in-law to dinner when I invite my grandkids?

by Roxann
(California)

My 18 year old grandson asked if he could come to dinner at my house today because I had previously told him that he should come by sometime for dinner. I told him to come over. My daughter called and told him to bring his 10 year old sister if he would like. He just texted and said that he is not coming because we were rude for not inviting his dad. (His parents are divorced and the father has custody of the sister and their mother wasn't invited.) My grandson also said that it is common courtesy to invite their father. What do you say? Our family has mixed opinions on this. Thank you!


Aug 09, 2011
Dinner With The Grandkids
by: Wendy (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

Thank you for your question.

The answer to your question is no, you are not obligated to invite your ex-son-in-law to dinner when you invite your grandkids.

You had previously invited your grandson to stop by for dinner sometime, which is a great time to spend time with him. It was a fantastic idea to invite his little sister too. Sharing a meal with family are priceless moments that will bring you closer together.

It is not selfish of you to want to spend this time with just your grandkids. It sounds like they are very special to you and you want to grow your relationship with them. I very much appreciate the relationship my children have with their grandparents. They play a pivotal role in their lives.

You might want to tell your grandson that you were excited to share a meal with them as a grandma. Sometimes putting a different spin on a situation will help to difuse it.

Best wishes!