Do I ask my friend if I will be invited to her daughter's wedding?

by Alicia
(New York)

I have been friends with this lady for about a year. I believe we have a good friendship. Since the first time we met I knew her daughter was getting married in a year. Now, only two months left for the big ceremony and I do not know if I am on the invitation list. Is it good etiquette for me to ask her if I am invited to the wedding?. How do I react if the answer is "no?" My friend is the one who is paying for the total cost of this wedding. She's in a good financial position.


Aug 08, 2011
Asking If You Are Invited To the Wedding
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

According to traditional manners and etiquette, it is inappropriate to ask if you are going to be invited.

There are several reasons for this: It places you and the person you are asking in an awkward position. What if they answer is no? There is going to be a lot of discomfort between the two of you and it puts a strain on the relationship.

You do not want to put your friend in that position.

I have seen many people that held their wedding/reception in an area where they could not accommodate a lot of people and there were family members that were not invited. So, do not be offended if you are not invited. It could be a space issue as to the reason.

I have also seen people that wanted to keep the ceremony small and only immediate family members were invited.

Regardless of the reason, respect their wishes and just go with the flow. If you have a good friendship with her, there must be a valid reason that you are not invited. It sounds like she wouldn't do it to purposefully offend you.