Do I need to invite my husband's family to his b-day if I throw one?

by Lisa
(GA)

I come from a very traditional family where everyone helps each other when needed. Since I married my husband, his side of the family have not been so nice to me. I have always showed respect and have put up with their nonsense. They are the type of in-laws that just want to be part of the happy days and not bad days. Ex: if one has a problem they are quick to say "I do not want to hear it, go to the person you have the issue with" but I noticed that when I do approach them with the concern, they are quick to ignore or walk away...There excuse is "I do not like the tone used."

For this reason, it makes it difficult for me to do things from the heart for his family.


Aug 04, 2011
Birthday - Invite In-laws or Not?
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

Thank you for your question.

Based on your comments, I get the feeling that this isn't really about the birthday at all. I think it has to do more with your relationship with his side of the family than it does anything else.

This is one of the challenging parts of marriage: combining two families with very different personalities, belief systems, and structure.

As an example, I really do not fit in very well with my wife's family. They are very different than me in what they like to do, their hobbies, age, and how they were raised. Although the relationship I have with them is not bad, it is mostly non-existent.

When we have family events (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.) we have separate parties for them. My family likes to celebrate one way, and her's likes to do it another way. By having two separate parties, we avoid many of the issues that occur when combining families and they seem to prefer it that way.

When the party is with my family, I usually take the lead to make things more comfortable for my wife. She does the same with her family.

That does not mean that you have to do it this way. This is simply what works for our family.

Even though your husband's family is different, that does not mean that they are bad people...just different. They probably have a lot of great traits, talents, and things that they do well. If you can focus on what is good about them, it may just change your perspective on his family and improve the situation.