Ex wife is having a bridal shower for my (and her) daughter. Is my new wife's family expected to attend?

by Mark
(Ohio)

I was in a bitter divorce 11 years ago. I remarried 1 year later. My ex is hosting a wedding shower for my (and her) daughter. My daughter doesn't want 2 showers, saying we should all be adults. The ex spread many bad things about my new wife at the time of the divorce. My new wife's family (parents, sister, niece, etc.) has never met this daughter since she lives far away. Should they be invited to the shower and should they attend? My kids all talk with me and one college grad lives with me.


Jun 28, 2011
Bridal shower after a divorce - who attends?
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

To answer your question, this is one of those gray areas about bridal shower etiquette. There is not a hard and fast rule as every family has their own traditions and ways to do it.

In my family, when someone is getting married, the aunts will throw a bridal shower for the person getting married. That is the tradition and that is how they have always done it.

The attendee list for that event is all of the women in my extended family (all the female cousins), the bride, the bride's mother and grandmother, and maybe a few of the bride's friends so that the bride will feel comfortable.

The whole purpose of the shower in my family is for everyone to get the opportunity to meet the new addition to the family and show their love and support. They do not mix families at the shower because they assume that the other side of the family will have a similar event.

That is how my family does it and it doesn't mean that is the only way it is done. You really have to go with the tradition and how it is done in your family.

I know many people have different thoughts about the purpose of the bridal shower. Some people think that it is for the bride. Others think that the shower is for everyone else to get to meet the bride. Personally, I think the shower is more for everyone else. Sure, they all bring the bride to be some gifts, but the event itself is really for everyone else to welcome that person to the family.

If you have had a bitter divorce and you are not able to get past those feelings, I don't think it would be wise to mix the family. From my perspective, since I believe the shower is for everyone else, those people would not enjoy themselves if it were all done with one shower.

Even though the bride only wants one shower, that may not be the best thing in reality.