Fiance's ex-wife planning his birthday party.

by Rebecca

My fiance is turning 50 this year. His ex wife called me to inform me that she is throwing him a birthday bash and wanted to see if I would "co-host" it with her. He and I both found this to be very inappropriate. My first response was "ok" because I was in a state of complete shock. But after I thought about it I now feel that she crossed the line and it is not her place to give a party for her ex husband, especially when he is in a serious relationship with another woman. (me) I guess what I need to know is if I should just go along with it and not make waves within the family? (his family is on board with it and are still close with his ex) I really don't know what to do. I am in quite a dilemma. What is the best way to handle this situation?


Aug 03, 2011
Birthday Party
by: Wendy (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

Thank you for your question! Wow... Just when I thought I had seen it all...

This is a situation that is a little new for me. I don't know that I have ever known an ex-wife or ex-husband want to plan a birthday bash for someone, especially if that someone is engaged to another.

I can understand why you were shocked when she called and asked you to "co-host" the bash. I would have done the same thing, just because my brain would have shut down.

It is easy to be concerned about how the family feels, however, you need to be more concerned about how he and you feel. As he feels like it is inappropriate, it would be worse for both of you to go along with the situation.

Sometimes in a divorce situation, the family remains attached to the ex and it is hard for them to get past it. In this situation it would be for the best if you both approached them and told them how uncomfortable you feel with his ex-wife planning it.

It may be a little scary to talk to them, but think about how you both would feel if you went through with the party planning committee as it stands. Explain that you initially said yes because you were in shock. If they don't understand right away, give them some time and they will come around.

The important thing to think about is maintaining the happiness you and your fiance have found. Moving forward together is the best way to do this. Looking back is not.

I hope this has helped and you have a great celebration with him!