How do I appropriately correct my husband's manners (or should I mind my own business)?

My husband frequently- in public- burps, passes gas noisily, spits, blows his nose very loudly, and wears his pants so low it exposes his backside. This seems to me like unacceptable public behavior, and I have tried to let him know at these behaviors bother me, but he feels like I am being selfish to ask him to change. Today, he vomited at the table at a restaurant due to uncontrolled acid reflux. He did not leave the table or apologize. That was the last straw for me! I need to do something. I am embarrassed to be seen with him, and frustrated at the example he is setting for our children. What do I do?

Jun 28, 2011
Husband's Manners
by: Wendy (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

Thank you for your question.

I am sorry that you are having this situation arise time and time again. It is difficult at time to deal with the choices other people make, especially those we love.

Unfortunately, you cannot make your husband change or do anything that he does not feel like he should do. There are ways, however to approach the situation.

Sometimes it is all in how you ask or discuss the offensive offenses. If you discuss them with a 'you need to change' attitude, then he will react defensively. By taking some of the situations one at a time and discuss them with the take of 'when you did (insert action), it made me feel very embarrassed (or however you felt).

Another way to approach it would be from a health point of view. Sometimes excess gas is caused by situations in the body that need to be looked at or taken care of by a physician. Telling him that you are worried about something might help him to get treated. You would know how best to deal with this, as every man reacts to seeing a doctor differently (and not usually with joy).

As far as your children are concerned, focus a lot on what good manners are with them. Do not tell them that what their Daddy does is not a good example. Point out people who demonstrate good examples and encourage them to follow them.

Best wishes!