How do I respond?

My daughter was invited to homecoming by one boy. She said "yes, but we will go just as friends". He agreed. This was four weeks before homecoming. Tonight, three weeks before Homecoming Dance, she has been asked by another boy to "go steady" with him (they have not dated, but to them this means dating and liking each other and not dating anyone else). So, now she will be going to Homecoming with "a friend" while liking another guy. I am not sure "the friend" bargained for this. Now, I just found out tonight that my daughter posted on facebook that she is going steady...and she has not told "the friend". She feels confident that she is handling it all with grace....and tells me that times have changed since the 1980s. I worry. My daughter has also invited her cousin, a girl, to the group outing to the dance and dinner before dance. This was agreed to by "the friend" however, I do not know this guy well and he may be agreeing to something he does not feel comfortable with. His parents respect us; and, know of us. BUT, this situation seems tricky. How do I know if my daughter is handling this well? Do I call the parents? My daughter said she would talk to "the friend" in the morning about her new situation of accepting to go steady with another boy. She said she would accept "the friend" declining to go to the Homecoming Dance as "she understands why". Is my daughter messing up?!!! Please, help!! I am worried about the "friend's" feelings.

Mother of a daughter



Homecoming Question
by: Wendy (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

Thank you for your question.

Wow...it sounds like you have a bit of a situation here. I can honestly say that times have changed since the 80's and so has society. What hasn't changed is showing respect to people. I understand your concerns with your daughter and what is going on.

The best thing for you to do at this time is encourage your daughter to be honest and upfront with both the 'friend' she has agreed to go to homecoming with and her 'new boyfriend' that she has agreed to go steady with. Follow up with her. This will help you know what happened as she talked to both of them. Keep it as a light conversation, rather than an interrogation.

Obviously your daughter is well liked. The sooner she talks to her 'friend' about the dance the better. This way if he wants to ask someone else, he will have time to rearrange his plans. This shows courtesy and good manners.

I am just like any other parent and do not want to see my children make mistakes and hurt others. However that is how I learned, good and bad, what it takes to interact with people. I also hate to see other people's feelings get hurt. Not knowing the 'friend' too well, it is hard to know how he will react.

I hope that it all turns out for the best! It is so good to see that you are a concerned parent...you love her and that is good!