How to inform my family & accept the man I love as family?

by Angel
(Lakeland, FL)

I have met & been in love with this man I met online for 14 yrs., we have lived together off and on, I was married to my late husband, 20 yrs. age difference and he did not want a divorce, so he and my love became close friends. In 2008 my husband passed. In 2009 my love asked me to be his wife, however we cannot do it legally because I would lose all benefits of my late husbands. How do I go about to inform my family that he is my husband and I am his wife and to include him as part of the family.
My sister and their family were never close since 1994 and their daughter got married 4/9/11, we were invited to attend, my love got upset because I did not take him up to introduce him to them but they were busy and I felt it was not a proper time, plus he was
upset about me not doing this and kept going outside to smoke and would never tell me what was wrong until on our way home. I need a response asap.


Apr 12, 2011
Getting Family To Accept Him
by: Kevin (Modern Manners And Etiquette)

Well, to tell the truth, there really isn't anything that you can do to "make" your family accept him. That is something that will happen over time and you really should begin that process sooner than later.

I would suggest having the family over to your house for a dinner one night, or on a weekend. That would be the appropriate time to have an announcement of your new love. The reason that you want to announce it at your home is that you are free to do as you will in your own home. It is "safe" territory to do something like that.

If they understand that the two of you are in love but cannot marry because of the benefits of your deceased husband, I think that will help their understanding of the situation.

Chances are, they will not accept at the time you make the announcement. Your love will need to put in an extra effort to do things to help out in the family to be viewed in a positive light. This would be things like doing the dishes at family get togethers, helping out with people's projects around the house, etc. These types of things will allow the family to see him in a personal light and get to know him for who he is.