I am aggressive toward men I feel interested in

by ghoroob
(El Paso, Texas)

Yes, it might feel weird but this what happens. when I like a guy, I feel annoyed, perhaps it's the fear to loose him, or maybe because I feel then he's in power so I try to annoy him instead of just showing him that I am interested.

Recently I met a man through a friend, we went to a dinner and it was okay, I invited him to casual dinner in my place few days after that, he invited me to short visits to his place twice in 2 days after.

He left for a work trip for 2 weeks, he was very busy but could handle to call me even if for a short phone call every other day. I loved his attention, I even thought of having a kiss with him when he comes back, he seemed funny, caring and warm.

When he finally came, he called me one evening inviting me to his place for tea, I mentioned that I was hungry and asked for food, he said he will prepare me something.

I arrived there, gave him a hug, I really missed him, when he pulled me the chair and put my food, I said "should I give you a tip now?" he had that impression on his face, I knew I screwed up, I wanted it to be a joke but it was inappropriate, I felt very childish, I felt guilty that I did hurt his feelings, I didn't know how to apologize or to fix it, I kept thinking about it and couldn't enjoy the evening.

Toward the end, he made a joke and get closer to me, obviously he wanted to do a step for a kiss, I couldn't respond positively because I was nervous about what happened earlier, I felt like I wanted to run away, I left without a kiss feeling sorry that he might think I don't like him that much.

After that he called me less and less, we saw each other slightly for 2 times in 2 weeks, I can't stop thinking that I pushed him away,I want to fix it now, I want to be nice and respectful with him because he's like that with me, I don't know if I will get the chance to do that anymore. We might go to the movies tonight or tomorrow, lets see what would happen.

May 20, 2012
By: (Kevin) Modern Manners and Etiquette

Based on your comments, I think it is really just a point of opening up yourself to him. As you have already concluded in your post, if you push people away long enough, they tend to stay away.

Rather than waiting for him to contact you, contact him. This will show him that you have an interest in him. It sounds like he would welcome the display of interest in him.

Manners and etiquette is so much more than avoiding things that are inappropriate or that make you look refined. It is all about how you treat others and interact with them. You were so worried about offending him with the waiter comment. If it bothered you, there is a good chance it bothered him too. Make sure you apologize. Being a little vulnerable in a case like this will go a long way.

Good luck with your future relationships!