My brother died of a heart attack 1 year ago, my son graduates on june 12, a Sunday . We are having a graduation party on the 11th are we being rude?

by Steven

Are we doing something wrong? My brother would want us to live and go on. I think about him every day it does not have to be the anniversary of his death. My brother enjoyed life every day while alive and would want us to do the same as a family. I don't think he would hold anything against us for having a graduation party for my son. His children and wife refuse to come to the event.


May 23, 2011
Graduation Etiquette and Death of Brother
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

Hi Steve,

First of all, my condolences to you and your family. It is a difficult thing to lose a loved one.

You have to understand that everyone mourns differently. There are some people that can move on easier than others. I share the same opinion as you. I highly doubt that a family member who has passed on would want us to do nothing but mourn them. In the grand scheme of things, that does not make sense to me.

However, they are coming from a different point of view with different feelings. There is not a right or wrong answer here. It is just a matter of them having different feelings than you do.

Your son's graduation is a once-in-a-lifetime event that should not be missed and it does deserve celebration. How would your son feel if you did not do this for him? He would probably be deeply hurt and that is not right.

I think it just requires a little explanation that this is a once-in-a-lifetime event for your son and that you are going to celebrate it. You did not plan to have him graduate around the time that your brother passed away, but that is the way that it worked out.

The key thing is to ensure that they know that they are invited and that you would love to see them. But, regardless of their decision, you have to respect how they feel and love them anyway. Nothing is more important than family.