Responding with a NOT attending, what is the minimum cash gift that should be sent?

by Sandy
(Ottawa, ON, Canada)

We have been invited to a wedding where we know the only reason we have received the invitation is for the cash and gift value (it is known to be a practice in this family going back a couple of generations). We have sent back the response indicating that we will not be attending. This being said, we are aware (or think we are) that a gift is still expected. Thus, we want to know what, if anything proper etiquette says we should send as a cash gift.


Jul 23, 2011
Wedding Cash Gift
by: Wendy (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

Thank you for your question.

Wedding gifts are the subject of a lot of etiquette discussion, especially during the 'wedding season'. There are many who would give you a direct amount of what to send, however there are a couple of things to look at.

First, and most important, you need to look at your budget. What you can afford is simply the best answer. The fact that you are willing to send the money, even though you are not attending says that you are thinking of the couple and want to wish them the best on their new journey.

Next, you should look at your relationship with the couple or their parents. If you are close family or friends, sometimes it is better to send a little more, if you can afford it.

Another idea you could use is to look at their registry (if they are indeed registered) and find a gift that you would purchase for them and send them that amount.

It is always kind to send a gift. Many couples greatly appreciate the thoughts and help they receive as they start their lives together.