Stepdaughter Conflict about Retirement Party

I was planning a Retirement party for my Husband. My Stepdaughter's baby's first birthday was two days after the date my Husband picked. I called her to make sure that there was not any conflicts with the dates being so close. She assured me there was no conflict. I told her that was great because it was his special day. A week after invitations went out she calls to say she is bringing a birthday cake for the baby. Shocked I replied "We have already discussed this and agreed that it was her fathers day" She basically threatened me and convinced her father to agree. I felt that it was extremely rude and manipulative of her. She denied ever having talked about any conflicts on the phone with me. The situation went from bad to worse! She somehow convinced my Mother, and Daughter, and Husband to agree with her. I was now the bad person! It became such an ugly situation that I ended up calling guests to cancel. I used the he has to work excuse and will try to reschedule. Now understand that the one year old had already had two or three hosted parties from her family. I am still considered the bad person because we do not have a relationship anymore. It has driven a wedge between my husband and I etc. She has never admitted wrong doing. It was the straw that broke the camels back! My husband now has three grandchildren that will never get to know me. It is very sad after parenting his daughter for years. I just feel it is best not to put the grandchildren in the middle of conflict. My children were exposed to her conflict. I just want peace in my family but unfortunately it did not work out that way. Well I feel it is not proper to ever put a Host and guest's in an awkward situation! A Retirement Party is not a Birthday Party!

May 20, 2012
By: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

I am sorry to hear of the situation. It is unfortunate that you were not able to avoid the situation after trying to carefully plan.

In spite of the circumstances, don't give up on having a relationship with the grandchildren. Also, there is no reason for this to come between you and your husband. It is critical for that relationship to stay strong.

I would recommend letting it go. Trying to find someone to blame never promotes reconciliation or healing. Whether it is you blaming them, or them blaming you, nothing good will come from that.

As difficult as it may be, work on forgiving them and putting this behind you. It will end up better that way for everyone involved.