What is the proper behaviour when people you don't like, come to visit??

I don't like my husband's brother's girlfriend and my husband likes having his brother over for visits and brings the girlfriend with. We don't get along and I tend to be cold and rude and make them feel uncomfortable so that they will leave sooner. My husband gets sooo mad at me and we are constantly fighting as soon as they leave. He says I am rude and unwelcoming. It's his brother's girlfriend and I should try harder but she comes to MY house with an attitude and doesn't even greet me properly. I mean, it's my house, shouldn't she be the one to bend over backwards to be nice to me??? and not the other way round?

He says that they are guests in our house and no matter what attitude she has towards me, I should still be nice and show to be the better person???
I totally disagree - please help with advice - urgently....
regards
unknown....


Jun 17, 2011
Etiquette for Visitors
by: Kevin (Modern Manners and Etiquette)

Sounds like a difficult situation for you and I hope it works out for the best.

Unfortunately, your husband is right. Proper etiquette says that it is the responsibility of the host to make the guests feel at ease and welcome. Why is it like that?

The guest is coming to an unknown environment. It would be natural for them to feel uncomfortable and out of sorts. That is where it is the host's responsibility to make them feel comfortable and to care for them.

With that being said, the real question in your case seems to be: how can you be polite and welcoming to someone that you do not like?

There is not an easy answer for this as it will force you to swallow your pride and help them out. I think you will find if you went out of your way to welcome her, her attitude towards you would change.

Most people are not mean at their core. Often times, they only respond the way they feel they are being treated. If you went out on a limb to make her feel welcome and to be a gracious host, I think she would reciprocate in her actions towards you.

What if she doesn't? What if she is still mean to you even though you tried hard? Well, the truth is that you will have impressed someone...your husband. That is the real reason to do this.

It is his family which makes it your family. Even if the girlfriend is still rude, you will have made your husband happy and kept peace in your relationship. That is far more important and valuable than a visit from a girlfriend that you do not like.

Just remember why (your husband) you are doing this, and it should help keep things in perspective.